On Why I Haven't Been Blogging...

I'm unsure about this post.  It feels self indulgent, but I also feel like I need to write it down.  I might take it down in a few days.

If you've come here expecting to see a new post about something new I've made, then I'm really sorry to disappoint you.  Today's blog post is more about what I haven't been sewing... and why.

I have made a couple of things recently, some Named Clothing Jamie jeans that I was quite pleased with, a Simplicity 1366 top (am I the last person in the world to make this pattern?) and a dress I hacked from a top pattern (I can't remember what it's called and can't be bothered to go and look), but nothing that really floats my boat. 

To be honest, none of my clothes - me made or ready to wear - float my boat right now and that is purely because I don't float my own boat right now.  I don't want to make (or buy) clothes that fit me now, because I don't like how my body looks and feels at the moment. 

I've got lots of plans for things I want to make;

 
New Look 6459 Cropped Trousers

Closet Case Patterns Kalle shirt - cropped version

Tessuti Fabrics Bella dress

It's no secret that I suffer with anxiety and depression and one of the ways I try to deal (almost always unsuccessfully) with this is to comfort eat.   I have never once eaten something to make myself feel better and then actually felt better... I don't know why I continue to feel it will work!

I also snack in the car when I'm bored, and I spend a lot of time in the car! I do a lot of driving for work and sometimes spend up to 7 hours a day behind the wheel (I was going to say driving, but often I'm sat in a queue of traffic, going nowhere).  Foods which should only be eaten occasionally as a treat become an everyday indulgence and healthy eating in the form of preparing fresh food with lots of fruit and veg goes out of the window.  I eat crap and I'm sure that ends up making me feel more crap than I did already.  Consequently, since the beginning of the year I've put on about a stone in weight. 

My clothes still fit but most don't feel good and I don't want to make/buy things that do feel more comfortable because I don't want to accept that this is me now.  I'm not massively overweight, if I lost the stone I've put on I'd be okay, and if I lost a stone and a half, then that would be wonderful.  I know I'm never going to get back the figure I had in my early twenties however much I'd love to.  At that stage of my life I was into artistic roller skating and trained 5 times a week... I could eat pretty much what I liked then. 

And I'm not of the mindset that if I was thin my life would be perfect.  I know that's not true, and I know that way lies madness of a different kind.   What I do know is that I don't particularly like myself at the moment and I think that eating more healthily and taking care of myself a bit better would benefit me physically and mentally.   

The stupid thing is I know exactly what I need to do, I've got books on healthy eating coming out of my ears, too many probably.  And I actually love cooking, I love planning weekly menus and trying new recipes .  I just need to click my brain into the right place to actually do something about it.

So starting this week I'm going to try.  I've got food in the fridge that needs using up rather than throwing away, but from Wednesday I'm going the healthy route again.  I'm not going to go mad (I could never give up chocolate completely) but I'm going to do my best to loose this unwanted extra bit of me. 

If you've read this far, thank you.  If you're now thinking I'm a complete crackpot then I don't blame you, I think that about myself on pretty much a daily basis.  And I haven't written this in the hope of people complimenting me and telling me I don't need to lose weight.  I don't particularly care what other people think, I know I need to do it for myself.  It's not the answer to all my issues, but it's one less thing to beat myself up about.

As I said, I might take this post down in a few days, but I just needed to get it off my chest.  Hopefully I'll be back with some actual sewing and less whinging before too long.  I have the perfect fabric for that Kalle shirt in my stash, and for the Bella dress come to think of it!  I guess the Bella dress might be a good place to start, it's shape means it should fit whatever happens. 

Meanwhile, if anyone has suggestions of things I can sew now that I might be happy with, I'm all ears. 

23 comments

  1. I completely get where your coming from I gained a little weight over Xmas and stuff fits but doesn't feel good.i te d to eat when I'm bored too it helped me by having healthy snacks and by logging what I eat on fitness pal.

    That said I do think you look AMAZING!!

    Xxx

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    1. Thanks Frankie, that's really kind of you! Yeah, I need to get organised so I'm not stopping at the garage for crisps and chocolate!

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  2. Best of luck with changing your habits, and putting what's good for you above what is easy. That takes great courage. For sewing? Find something in a color you like-could be a scarf or a dress or jammies... just pick a color that makes you feel happy. And find something you like to get moving, in conjunction with better eating- whether skating or walking or dance... but moving. Movement and better food is a powerful combo. You are worth the effort!

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    1. Thank you. Good idea on sewing something in a happy colour! And yes, I definitely need to get moving too.

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  3. I'm really sorry to hear you've not been feeling great about yourself and it's very good of you to share it, since it's all to easy to say "look what I made" instead. Dresses like the Inari and simple designs I think work best if you're planning to loose weight. The first is loose anyway and simple styles alter more easily afterwards. Do you sew exercise clothing too? If so, that usually is very forgiving of weight gain and loss, as well as making you want to go out and actually exercise.In fact I must try that myself, now I to think of it!

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    1. I don't sew exercise clothing, because I don't exercise. I know I should (exercise) so maybe making clothing I'd like to wear for doing it would be a good idea.

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  4. Best wishes!! Happy is healthiest so if you need that bit of weight loss to get you back to a happier place; so be it.

    Good luck!

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  5. It's brave of you to share this, and I think many of us will know just how you feel. I would go for the Bella dress. It's lovely and the fit is relaxed. Get some fabulous fabric you of adore.

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    1. Thank you. The Bella dress looks as though it would feel nice and comfy but is still stylish. I've probably got some fabric in my stash that would work for it!

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  6. Big love and hugs. It's a horrible feeling and one I'm familiar with. Exercise endorphins are the single best thing to help with both anxiety and how you feel you look but motivation can be tricky. Either return to what you already know you love (skating) or try something new. Do it with a friend and you're much more likely to continue doing it. The food is a small part of the equation but important. What worked for me was allowing myself to have whatever I wanted but a small portion at a time, chewing slowly and savouring the taste, then pausing to ask myself if that need is satisfied now? If not, what else might this need be fulfilled by. Good luck and remember that everything you need is already inside of you. xxx

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    1. Thank you. I know exercise is brilliant for helping with mental health issues, and although I've encouraged others in a similar position to exercise I find it hard to motivate myself. I fear my skating years are behind me, but I do need to find something else I enjoy.

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  7. commuting is something I no longer have to do and even then it was only a 30min drive each way for me. the odd time I would get caught in traffic, I left a nail buffer so I could do my nails. my nails are never right as I do a lot of crafts they are always different lengths etc and I have no vanity about them but I love when they look shiny - personally I rarely eat when I am out and about. I will grab a chocolate bar if I am really caught with hunger but I developed a bit of a thing about the continual grazing that I see people on the streets doing - as it seems to generate a lot of litter (dont get me started on take out coffees and non-recyclable cups) so I either have a snack (fruit) in my bag etc - this possibly does not relate to you at all at all - but its more that once the habit got into my head I no longer do these things (I will buy take out coffee if I am away from home home so not a complete zealot but possibly only buy 6 a year btw)

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    1. A nail buffer is a brilliant idea! I sit in traffic and pick the skin around the tops of my nails, so buffing would be the perfect alternative. I shall treat myself to one.
      I also need to get into the habit of having healthy snacks with me.

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  8. I think everyone one of us has felt how your feeling right now, we know what we need to do to change but if you are suffering from depression it can be very difficult to make that first step. Change no matter how good seems like a huge challenge.

    The good news is your ready to take that step & as you say, your doing it for you & no one else. Best way to guarantee success.

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    1. Thank you for the encouragement.

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  9. As someone who has been fighting tearfulness, anxiety and a threatening depression for the last couple of weeks, I absolutely understand and empathise with you. Finding the motivation and strength to do what we know we need to do is hard and I'm glad you are going to begin regaining control over what you are eating. Buy yourself the best and tastiest food you can afford. As for sewing, you're under no obligation to do any but if you want to make something then I also would suggest treating yourself to fabric in a colour you love, a colour you know looks good on you. The Bella dress pattern is lovely (and one I plan to make) but I wonder whether a pattern you already have would be better, jut in case you end up forever associating a new pattern with how you are feeling at the moment. Best wishes to you and remember 'This too shall pass'

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    1. Hi Allys, sorry to hear you've been fighting threatening depression for a few weeks. I hope you feel better, best wishes to you too. Thank you for the encouragement.

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  10. I also struggle with anxiety and depression. I have been successfully eating my feelings for 18 months! I made Vogue 1511 and it's pretty flattering, but I tend to put on weight in my arse and thighs.

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    1. Thanks Amy. Why do we never learn that eating our feelings doesn't really help! Vogue 1511 looks really pretty, thanks for the suggestion.

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  11. I think you are really brave posting this. Go you xxI think you look great by the way, but depression speaks to me I hear where you are at. I have no advice to give as such, but just to let you know this is temporary and you will get through it. xx

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    1. Thank you Louise for your kind words and encouragement.

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  12. I have a friend with depression so have seen how difficult it can be to cope. Doing something for yourself is a great way to go and I wish you all the luck in the world.

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Thank you so much for your comment, every one is read and appreciated. It means a lot to me that you take the time to read and comment on my posts.